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The CarnaRaptor Project
By Carna [Mod]
**CARNARAPTOR PRODUCTIONS**
Dino_Dude skipped along the sidewalk and sang washed-out Vitamin C songs as he was coming back from another exciting day at school. It was already night time here in Whothefuckville and generally a good, disciplined student like Dino came home at the ring of the bell. Of course, he ran a little late today on the count of him being thoroughly beaten and harassed by Panos, the school bully, for not doing his homework. Dino_Dude was elusively the personal bitch of every tougher kid at the school – which was pretty much everyone else. He never understood this, he never did anything to them.
“…as we go on…..we remember…all the times we….spent to- OUCH” Dino’s personal joyfulness was cut short by a long, slender object that ricochet off his giant head.
“What is this? Who did this!” He let out a couple tears as he looked around both sides of the street trying to find the guilty party. Dino than turned to his direct right and noticed an old lady dressed in all leather waving her hands valiantly at Dino_Dude.
“You wretched shit! That Vitamin C crap is over. Nobody likes her or her gayass ‘due!”
“What the hell did you throw at me?”
“It’s a dildo you deprived monkey! Jesus” said the old lady, laughing aloud.
“A what?”
“A dildo! You know……that….thing” replied the old lady, now talking to Dino in a way a teacher would talk to a challenged student.
She continued. “Ah hell, here’s all you need to know – stick it up your ass you punk!’
Dino was appalled by this statement. He had never sworn before or done anything bad, but this old lady pushed his nerves to the limit.
“How can you say such a thing? Vitamin C’s contribution to the entertainment industry is legendary. And “Graduation” is a cult classic you old whore!!” Dino_Dude bellowed, sweat breaking out all over him, and his face was beginning to shine red.
The old women had a puzzled look on her face. “Why do you talk so….gay?” she proclaimed.
“For the last time you wretched little souls of hate……..IM…NOT…GAY!” Dino_Dude’s sanity was overboard and he want insane. He wasn’t going to stand up for any insulting anymore. He dropped his books, lifted his Bugle Boys to his chest and marched towards the old women who had cursed him on the porch. The lady seemed to be expecting this. She got in attack position and awaited Dino_Dude’s arrival.
“You picked the wrong crab-infested, AIDS carrying, transsexual whore to mess with” she whispered as he was just a few feet away from her porch steps.
“Ok grandma. Lets da-“ By the time he finished speaking, the old lady had already landed two jabs into his abdomen and sent him sprawling to the floor. Dino_Dude cried and moaned for forgiveness.
The old lady lit a cigarette and discarded the ashes upon Dude. “Ah kid, just get the hell outta here.”
Dino_Dude struggled to catch his balance and finally stood up straight.
“T-t-thank you ma’am. You’re……so nice…..And…..so beautiful.”
The old lady started to blush and her eyelashes began to flutter. She giggled a little and let out a reply in a schoolgirl tone. “Really?”
“Y-Ye-Yes” They slowly moved forward towards each other. Before they knew it, their lips were tied together in a passionate kiss. Dino felt a strong feeling inside of him. It was almost unbearable to keep in. This whole embrace was making his insides jump around. The feeling was uncontrollable now. Something was going to blow, and he knew it. Hopefully it’s not that stuff I learned in Sex Ed, he thought to himself. And then it happened……
~Fart~
The old lady pulled away from him her eyes stared blankly back at his.
“I-I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold it in” The old lady continued. “Please forgive me”
Suddenly, the frogs of the Budweiser commercials hopped onto Dino’s shoulder and said in unison…
“Butt…
“Fuck…”
“Her”
“Gross!” shouted Dino_Dude. Another surprise sprouted out of nowhere – it seemed as if Robin Hood and a couple of his marry men had come to kill the frogs.
Dino_Dude was very confused now. “Are you….Robin Hood?”
The man dressed in green tights replied in an old English matter. “But of course! I am Robin Hood, and these two fair people are my marry men. Men, introduce yourselves”
“I’m Little John” said a big husky fellow with large, wooden swords to his side
“And I’m George W. Bush” said a cross eyes, elderly looking fellow to his left.
Dino_Dude was trying to calculate all of this. “And you guys are here to….” Exclaimed Dino as he waited for an answer.
“We’re here to kill those three wretched shits on your shoulder. They stole all our Bud. And now….” Robin Hood paused for a second to hand out a couple bottles of Coors Light to his marry men. “….They will pay!” By that point, all three of the old-English fools began to pour Coors Light all over the frogs. Oddly, they began to fizzle – as If they had some kind of allergic reaction to other beers.
“I’m…”
“Mel-“
“-ting”
Dino couldn’t take this ruckus any more. “That’s it! All you people are very, very sick. I can’t take this ruckus anymore!” Dino ran away from them all and by now he was hysterical. He chased himself into a nearby forest. Dude stopped to take a breather, and to regain full consciousness. He could hear wolves howling in the distance, and other typical forest sounds. He shouldn’t be here, especially at night.
“Where have I gotten myself now? He said in disbelief and self pity.
“Oh you’re just in the one place in the world you should never be because there’s probably some psychopathic killer out to kill you right now” shouted a raccoon on a nearby rock.
“Did you just talk?” said a bewildered Dino, bundles of leaves being scraped away as he continued on his search for greener pastures.
“No” the raccoon replied.
“Good”
At that moment, more leaves could be heard rustling off in the distance somewhere. Dino_Dude became very cautious. Then, as if it were a scene from the Twilight Zone, his ears began to pick up the sound of something near by. A pleasant sound. It was the sound of his favorite *N SYNC track.
Dino_Dude followed the beating of that great tune, he started doing “the sprinkler” out of enjoyment.
“It’s tearing up my heart when I’m with you……but when we are ap-“ his horrible voice was cut off, along with his head, as a giant a chainsaw decapitated him clean. The bellowing roar of the chainsaw than began to saw his limbs off one by one. Blood was everywhere, along with Dino_Dude. At that moment, the shadowy figure with the boom box walked off into the depths of the unknown, his chainsaw still churning away – as if he was trying to send a message to the forest. A message telling them to beware.
The raccoon once again perched itself on some foliage, and grinned at the death bed.
“I told you you were gonna die you fucking idiot” he then scurried away off to his female companion, it was mating season after all.
COMING SOON....."The Middle"
6/26/2002 2:31:25 AM
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